Every year, Mother's Day and Father's Day pass by and I take it like any other holidays. Maybe, I remember to call back home to send my wish to Mom and Dad. We have a nice conversation, and every year like they always do, they would say thank you and just ask how I am doing. It all seems so routine.
Well, call it sentimental, but this year I just wanted to remember what is it about my Mom and Dad that I love so much.
I miss them.
I miss them because I am here with my wife and little girl in KL while they are in Sarawak, my little hometown. But, for them this is just one of the many sacrifice they have been willing to take as long as I am happy. When I think about them wanting me to be happy, I think how selfless they are.
Why do I say that?
Because whatever I do, what ever path I choose to go on, Mom and Dad never forced me to do anything otherwise. Sure, they wanted to make sure we were alright. The constant worries, and the calls, the talk, the advices and the simple messages which they wanted to tell me to be careful about everything. These things which when I look back now... I realise I often took as nagging and complaining... and thinking back the number of times I get frustrated and answer back harshly, telling them I am OLD enough and I know what to do!
...sigh.
Now when I think of it... how else can they be "part" of me, now that I "think" can decide everything by myself. Where do they fit now that I am so strong headed thinking that I know how to do everything. Mom and Dad loves me and just wants me to be happy. And perhaps now at this time, I should continue to listen. Whether or not what they say is wrong or right (by my own perspective), I realise they believe they are doing what they can to still make a point in my life...
...to still have a part in my life now.
I love my Mom and Dad for being so selfless. Over the years as I grew up, I always asked... why did we not go for holidays like other people or have better things at home. Mom and Dad chose to just smile and tell us siblings, "You will understand, one day". We never stopped questioning through school. But eventually we DID travel. And we travelled FAR, FAR away... and it was for our studies. Mom and Dad said, "See... we saved up for you to travel. And so.. now you get to travel, but by yourself." This travelling didn't mean anything to Mom and Dad, because they know in their heart, that they did not do it for themselves. They did it for us.
Today, I understand. I love my Mom and Dad for that.
I don't see Mom and Dad that often because I live away from my hometown now... but I always try to think about them. Phone calls never seemed to be long enough. Mom still thinks that I shouldn't talk so long on the phone because it's expensive. But in my heart, the cost of the call isn't important. The calls just don't seem to be LONG enough... It's not the same when I don't see my Mom and Dad, but I try to imagine them smiling every time I call, because that's all I can do when I talk to them on the phone.
When I was young, I always wondered how it was going to be like to live on my own. How FREE I would be! To enjoy, to have fun, to go for entertainment. Oh, the things that I would do. Even nowadays, sometimes I think of the freedom of mixing with people of my own generation, partying, drinking, dancing...
Now, when I think of it... I wonder...
I wonder what Mom and Dad is doing as I am in a club, downing drinks, dancing and shouting, waving my arms, grinding my hips, rubbing shoulders with known and unknowns, saluting the DJs as I take in the ambience and music like a person on some kind of high. Maybe Mom is watching her favourite soap opera alone or Dad is watching the news on his own, occasionally sharing with Mom on what's happening to the world. Or maybe Mom and Dad going to sleep peacefully, just glad that we are happy and enjoying ourselves?
I wonder about them...
Mom and Dad loves each other.
And I have never seen a love that is so heartfelt. They don't do it like how we do nowadays. They love each other through being with each other, talking to each other and EVEN enjoying the quiet while sitting next to each other. They don't have to say " I love you" but you know what? That LOVE is more than any words, cards, greeting, or wishes on Facebook can ever replace. When I think about their love... I feel a little ashamed inside.
My Mom has done so much for us. Been there for us. Her thoughts, day and night is always about us. Dad in his regal silence, watches over us and when he speaks, his words come out from thoughts which had taken a lot of processing as he watch us grow up and become good people.
Does it matter to Dad if I say I want to grow up to be just like him? But you know what? ... in ALL his selflessness, being like him is NOT important, because in his heart, he always wants me to be a good person, anyhow without using himself as a comparison. But you know... when I think of it, I can never be as good as he is, however much I try...
Mom... I know mom cries sometimes when she thinks about us. Because in her selflessness, she thinks that our LIFE should be much, much better. Despite how much I tell her that I am happy and doing well..., she always wants the best for us. And because nothing in life is ever perfect, I believe Mom will always continue to wish for us for the rest of our lives... and I know she will have many of the moments where she cry when she thinks about us.
I love my Mom and Dad very much.
Well, work and my life here doesn't permit me to see them very much, I envy those who can... and I am sure there are others who thinks they envy us to be able to live independent lives from Mom and Dad... Think again.
At least though I can't see them, I want to think back how much I love them. I won't forget that, but I realise I don't give this enough thought.
Mom, Dad, "I'm coming home soon!". To them, us going home is a BIG celebration. To me, everyday of having them love us is a BIGGER celebration of more than any other!!!
Mom, Dad, I love you very much.
